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| Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market... |
| MKB Financial Services, Inc. 164 Maple Street, Ste. 1, Auburn, CA 95603 Tel: 530-823-2792 Fax: 530-820-1890 Email:mbaltz@investorscapital.com Securities Licensed associates of MKB Financial Services Inc. are Registered Representatives of Investors Capital Corporation. Securities are offered through Investors Capital Corporation. Member FINRA / SIPC. Advisory Services offered through Investors Capital Advisory. MKB Financial Services is not an affiliated entity of the Investors Capital Companies. Matt Baltz is Securities Licensed in CA, CO, IN, and TX; Insurance and Advisory Services Licensed in CA; CA Insurance License # 0B68328. Investors Capital and its representatives do not provide tax or legal advice. Please consult with the appropriate advisor regarding your personal situation prior to acting on any information. Registered Branch Office located at 164 Maple Street, Ste. 1, Auburn, CA 95603. Office of Supervisory Jurisdiction located at 230 Broadway East, Lynnfield, MA 01940. |
The Lighter Side of Financial Planning
New Living Will Form
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body,
do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply
running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at
least one or more of the following:
______ a Bloody Mary
______ a Margarita
______ a Rum and Coke
______ a Martini
______ a Beer
______ a Steak
______ lobster/crab legs
______ the remote control
______ a bowl of ice cream
______ the sports page
______ Chocolate
______ Sex
It should then be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel
in the tubes and call it a day.
Signature:: _____________ Date: _____________
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body,
do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply
running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at
least one or more of the following:
______ a Bloody Mary
______ a Margarita
______ a Rum and Coke
______ a Martini
______ a Beer
______ a Steak
______ lobster/crab legs
______ the remote control
______ a bowl of ice cream
______ the sports page
______ Chocolate
______ Sex
It should then be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel
in the tubes and call it a day.
Signature:: _____________ Date: _____________
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
* You have two cows.
*You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enro-capitalism):
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back
to your listed company. The annual report says the company
owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to
buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4
year's time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon
and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
* You have two cows.
*You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enro-capitalism):
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back
to your listed company. The annual report says the company
owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to
buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4
year's time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon
and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the numbers.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
No Nursing Home for Me
About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a
Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand
stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters,
busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line,but he said he
only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted
and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
She replied, "Yes, that's true."
I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing
home".
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a
Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on
reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135
per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a
Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand
stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters,
busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line,but he said he
only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted
and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
She replied, "Yes, that's true."
I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing
home".
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a
Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on
reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135
per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
- Gratuities will only be $10 dollars a day.
- I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room
services (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week). - Princess has many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers,
and shows every night. - They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
- I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
- TV broken? Light bulb need changing? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize
for your inconvenience. - Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
- If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a
hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life
Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to
ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
| Financial Planning, Investment Advising, Estate and Retirement Planning, Investment Advisor, Investment Adviser Northern California and Placer and Sacramento counties with offices in Auburn and Nevada City Financial Planning in Auburn, Financial Planning in Roseville, Financial Planning in Nevada City, Financial Planning in Grass Valley, Financial Planning in Truckee, Financial Planning in Folsom, Financial Planning in Rocklin, Financial Planning In Sacramento, Financial Planning in Northern California, Financial Planning in California Financial Planner in Auburn, Financial Planner in Roseville, Financial Planner in Nevada City, Financial Planner in Grass Valley, Financial Planner in Truckee, Financial Planner in Folsom, Financial Planner in Rocklin, Financial Planner In Sacramento, Financial Planner in Northern California, Financial Planner in California Financial Advisor in Auburn, Financial Advisor in Roseville, Financial Advisor in Nevada City, Financial Advisor in Grass Valley, Financial Advisor in Truckee, Financial Advisor in Folsom, Financial Advisor in Rocklin, Financial Advisor In Sacramento, Financial Advisor in Northern California, Financial Advisor in California, Financial Advisor in Placer County, Financial Advisor in Nevada County Financial Adviser in Auburn, Financial Adviser in Roseville, Financial Adviser in Nevada City, Financial Adviser in Grass Valley, Financial Adviser in Truckee, Financial Adviser in Folsom, Financial Adviser in Rocklin, Financial Adviser In Sacramento, Financial Adviser in Northern California, Financial Adviser in California, Financial Adviser in Placer County, Financial Adviser in Nevada County MKB, Matt Baltz, Jess Hudson, Auburn, Placer County, Placer, Nevada City, Grass Valley, Roseville, Rocklin, Financial Services, Investment Advisors, Retirement Planning, Estate Planning, Broker, registered representative, insurance agent |